Grief & Loss
“The only cure for grief is to grieve.”
Earl Grollman
Regardless of whether you were recently diagnosed or have been navigating an illness for many years, feelings of grief can come in waves. Perhaps you are no longer able to do something you loved, perhaps your abilities have changed, perhaps your symptoms are impacting your daily life, perhaps you feel you have lost the old version of yourself. Whatever grief looks like for you, please know that you are not alone in these feelings. Grief is absolutely normal and is nothing to be ashamed of or try to fight.
Grief can manifest as anger, denial, depression, isolation, and many other ways that can make it difficult to even acknowledge that grief is what you may be experiencing. However, even just beginning to identify and be able to name the feeling can be the first step towards working through it.
Grief is not linear. It is not a process with a clear start and end point. There may be days we experience it more than others. There may be certain events, thoughts, memories, or even people that elicit feelings of grief.
One analogy for grief is this: Imagine there is a ball in a box. In the box,
there is also a button. When the ball bounces around the box, inevitably it is
going to hit the button. When that button gets pressed, you experience feelings of
grief. It may feel random and spontaneous and be difficult to prepare for, but the
thing is, the ball will get smaller over time. That is, you will learn to cope with the
grief and it will feel less heavy. The button may never go away entirely, but as the
ball gets smaller, the button gets hit less often. It may still feel immense and heavy
at times, but as you learn to cope with it and you build a support system and you
find ways to work through it, it becomes easier to deal with.
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Rather than trying to fight the feelings of grief that may arise, embrace them. Allow yourself the space to process them. Finding outlets like art, writing, music, nature, reading, can help create space to help you begin to process those feelings. Finding a sense of community in a support group or connecting with others who have similar experiences can fend off feelings of overwhelming isolation.
If you find that the grief is overwhelming to the point that it makes it difficult to focus on anything else, it may be beneficial to talk to a licensed mental health professional who can provide individualized tools to move through these difficult feelings.
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Additional Grief Resources
This brief article shares some information about being newly diagnosed with a chronic illness and provides a link to their Psychologist Locator tool.
If you are a caregiver coping with the grief of a loved one experiencing a diagnosis, head to Family Caregiver Alliance for support and resources.
Jodi Taub, a clinical social worker and chronic illness patient herself, unpacks how grief can look different within the context of a chronic illness and offers some coping strategies.
HelpGuide.org shares some insight about coping with the grief of a serious diagnosis or injury, as well as some tips for supporting someone going through that experience
This resource from Cleveland Clinic explains different types of grief, how to acknowledge if that may be what you are experiencing, and how to begin to cope with it.
This article written by a licensed clinical social worker explores the dual process model and shares exercises for processing complex grief related to a chronic illness.
Disclaimer: The resources listed on this page are provided for informational purposes only and do not imply an endorsement of the author, organization, or their viewpoints by Chronically Coping. We strive to share additional and external resources that may help you explore topics related to chronic illness and will do our best to ensure they are educational and beneficial, but ultimately cannot guarantee the accuracy or appropriateness of the content provided by these third parties. Chronically Coping is not responsible for any problematic content, advice, or outcomes resulting from these resources. Please use your own discretion when engaging with or applying any information shared and also consult a licensed professional for guidance or additional support.